Name the Bristow-lympics Mascot and Win A Big Prize*

Every Olympics, or other merchandisable sporting event, needs two things: a logo that can be moaned about by graphic designers and perhaps looks from certain angles like a popular cartoon character performing an obscene act, pointless sponsorship, corporate fascism, and a mascot. Er, four things.

But the mascot is the most important. Who else is going to appear on T-shirts, baseball caps, pens, novelty birth control? Who’s going to keep the not-hugely-interested-in-the-sport crowd entertained during the interminable waits between “heats”? That’s right — the bloke in the costume. Some of our favourite mascots included World Cup 2006’s Goleo or “the pervert lion” and Mexico ’86’s Pique the racially stereotypical jalapeño pepper. And of course the London thing has Crooklock and Manabille.

The Bristow-lympics has employed top branding consultancy Boggle, Bogart, Heggertay and Biscuit to come up with ours. But they have decided that for engagement purposes that we hold a competition to come up with a suitable name.

So here he/she is:

monkey tennis

  and again, with a little tica-taca:

So you can win a special Dirty Bristow prize by naming our apiarian sporting pal. Leave a name here in the comments and we’ll pick the best one.

Compo is now closed. Winner will be announced soon.

Don’t forget you can see [insert name here] at the Bristow-lympics Opening Ceremony and Issue Two Launch on Saturday 13th Aug at The Edge in Birmingham City Centre. There’s loads more on too, go get yourself a ticket.

*a prize, at least.


3 birds swooping

Issue Three — Poetry Ultras Supplement

The Most Notorious Firm In UK Poetry invite you to come and have a knock.

We at Dirty Bristow have a complicated relationship with poetry, I give you the appropriate passage from our submission guidelines:

“We don’t really understand poetry. There’s poetry we like, Rambaud, Wordsworth, Byron, Morrissey and some others, but we’re not quite sure how it works—which means that we can’t tell if poetic works submitted to us are ‘any good’. We don’t have the training to offer feedback, so all you’ll really be able to get from us is a yay or nay. And that decision will be based purely on our prejudices and whims, so bear that in mind and don’t take it to heart.

Except for haiku. Haiku seems to be a middle class trope that when used badly does nothing but attempt to showcase “education” and a smug-zen anti-materialistic attitude. Whatever vision they’re trying for we see nothing but a slow wank into a John Lewis pestle and mortar, Jamie’s recipe for organic cock juice pesto.”

So we’ve come to an agreement that the BPU firm can take a stanley to poetry submitted for issue three and we’ll print it in a special supplement as fits their athletic aesthetic.

All work — somehow connected with the theme Break (full details here) —  email


If you’re a prose monkey, there’s still time to hit us up — go see. Illustrators, just drop us a line.


Comments Off on Issue Three — Poetry Ultras Supplement

3 birds swooping

Bristow-lympics & Issue Two Launch Date Change

And you thought the Greek’s preparations for the Olympics cut it fine…

Apparently ‘10 days’ in Council language actually means ‘10 working days’ and the entertainment and alcohol licence hasn’t come through for the event on the 23rd. Which means we have to move it,: otherwise it’ll just be some people sitting in a room.

Here are all the details.

The line-up may shift a little but still full with all the Friends of Bristow and artists that share our sense of humour, love of music and capacity for a thumping good time.

The event is still being held at the Edge, but now will be on Saturday the 13th of August. This means we now have extra time to make the event even more spectacular. We hope that all the people that couldn’t make it now can, and the ones that have already bought tickets will forgive the date change.

It also give you a chance to go out there and get your friends to come along. The more support we get for this event ensures the continued existence of our unique magazine and proves to the corporate machine that not everything has to be branded, labeled and sold back with a reality stars smile.

If you’re still a-coming, your existing tickets/email etc are vaild — hope to see you then.

If not, let us know and we’ll refund your ticket money.

Danny & Jon

Comments Off on Bristow-lympics & Issue Two Launch Date Change

3 birds swooping

Created in Birmingham

Comments Off on Created in Birmingham

3 birds swooping

A free Bristow e-book: Concrete and Cocktails

Can you drink in all of Birmingham city centre’s independent hostelries in one day? Yes of course, although it might not be sensible.

An unchained psychogeographic adventure from the editors of Dirty Bristow—Concrete and Cocktails: a journey to Birmingham’s glitter-stained independent heart.

Concrete and Cocktails Cover

Download your free mini-e-book of our trip to the pub, and the pub, and the pub, and the pub…

You can get Amazon to send it direct to your Kindle (or  Kindle app) if you have trouble, don’t want to, or can’t self-load. Unfortunately we can’t do anything about the price bar set it as low as they let you (we promise not to go mad with the 30p royalties).  Go see on the Amazon site.

We’re very happy for you to distribute the files to anyone you like, it’s free, it’s good promo—but we’re happier if you direct them to this site so they can see our other stuff and hopefully buy a magazine or come to an event. Issue two is available to buy right now.

How’s about tweeting about this for us too?


Pier Review

We’re currently writing a full book, but we need your help. Financially mainly. We’re to take on the challenge of visiting every one of England and Wales’s 56 surviving pleasure piers in two weeks.

Piers are the phallic symbols of our desire to own the motherly sea; our Victorian forefathers covered them with the lace dressings of amusement to prevent the working class getting too excited. Since then they’ve rotted slowly, like Britain’s empire and its self respect. Those from Birmingham are perfectly placed to write about an ephemeral British seaside because that’s what the seaside is to them: a ghost, a Vaseline-smeared Shangri-La cobbled together from Carry On films, hazy childhood memories and nostalgia for a bygone era.

Go see all about it at


Cover photo of The Nechells Park, on Nechells Park Road corner with Cuckoo Road in Birmingham, by Elliott Brown.
Concrete… on Kindle


3 birds swooping