Dr Bristow’s Big Night In — Tue 1st Nov

Dr Bristow’s Movie-a-go-go launches a the Custard Factory theatre Wednesday 9th Nov and we hope you’ll all come along to give the film as much sark and snark as you have. With our unique tweet-o-vision (patent applied for as soon as we work out how to do it) your best twitter lines will be projected onto the film for the whole audience to enjoy.

But how does it work? Well here’s a little opportunity to find out from the comfort of your sofa, on Tuesday 1st November from 7pm the Bristow crew will be watching the television and tweeting the hell out of it. You can follow @DirtyBristowMag and @probablydrunk and @bounder or the hashtag #DrBTV to enjoy it and please, join in.

Here’s our schedule:

7pm BBC One: The One Show
It’s part Nationwide, part Wogan, part TVam all crap.

7:30pm Channel Five: Real Food Family Cook Off
Real people, Channel Five? You get the deal.

8pm BBC Four: Richard Wilson Learns to Drive
I don’t believe it.

8:30pm BBC Four: Blackpool on Film
We went to Blackpool recently, it’s a hell hole.

9pm BBC Three: Don’t Tell The Bride
Should be called Don’t marry this idiot.

10pm BBC Two: Later Live with Jools Holland
With boogie woogie piano.

10.30pm BBC One: Imagine: Grayson Perry
The hairy potter.

And then the Twitter equivalent of the little white dot and the “ooooooooo” noise.

Get the beers, the popcorn and your Twitter-search primed.

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Dr Bristow’s Movie-a-go-go — The Dirty Bristow Film Club

So, there’s this new thing:

FlixFixer is Social Cinema at the Custard Factory Theatre. It allows you to choose movies you love, find a venue to screen them and invite friends, family or other like-minded film-lovers to share in a screening where you set the rules – be it dress-up, dress down, no hats or no food. It allows you to build a community of friends around your shared love of movies and get together regularly to celebrate that. We screen here on Wednesdays… or you can screen here whenever you want.”

And so we’re taking advantage of it, we present the montly: Dr Bristow’s Movie-a-go-go.

Because you're smarter than the cinema

Let’s be honest, the best thing about so called ‘event television’ is following the cruel, cynical Twitter crowd as they snark, shout, and shoot down the spectacle with devastating accuracy and sly humour. X-Factor, Eurovision and even the bloody Royal Wedding were all made, not only bearable, but endlessly entertaining by the techno hive-mind. Although Pippa Middleton’s arse helped the last one.

The good Doctor Bristow thinks that we shouldn’t have to wait for the next flavour of the week to fall onto the TV table, and the laser intensity of Twitter’s hard stare can be turned onto the Hollywood clunkers we all know and are mostly indifferent too.

Giving movies the collective gang-kicking they thoroughly deserve, the team behind Britain’s most inappropriately named magazine invite you to limber those tweeting fingers, sharpen those tongues, and come down to the Custard Factory where we will be dragging in a cinematic sacrificial lamb for you to tear apart.

Utilising our unique Tweet-o-vision the audience is invited to add its own commentary to the film offerings, with games, prizes and enough snark to sink James Cameron’s Titanic, Doctor Bristow’s Movie-a-go-go is the cinema that not only allows using your mobile when the film’s started, but demands it with craven fist.

Bringing together the joy of cinema and the cruel wit and wisdom of the crowd Doctor Bristow’s Movie-a-go-go is a movie experience of the future. Showing the very best, worst and oddest cinema the last hundred years has to offer; forgotten classics, shoddy blockbusters, and vintage screen burps all get the thrashing of their life from you the viewer and the rest of the crowd of equally-cynical culture junkies.

It’ll be a bit like this:

Our first victim will be Showgirls—Robocop Director Paul Verhoven’s tale of tits and tails in the *murky* world of Vegas dancing. There’s stripping, fighting, Wall Street-esque greed and Agent Cooper from Twin Peaks tupping Jessie off of Saved By The Bell in a jacuzzi.

Winner of 8 Razzies: Worst Actress, Worst Director, Worst New Star, Worst Original Song, Worst Picture, Worst Screen Couple, Worst Screenplay and 2000’s Worst Movie of the Decade.

We’ll also have games and a surprise supporting feature. Tickets on sale now, with special early-bird offers.

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Name the Bristow-lympics Mascot and Win A Big Prize*

Every Olympics, or other merchandisable sporting event, needs two things: a logo that can be moaned about by graphic designers and perhaps looks from certain angles like a popular cartoon character performing an obscene act, pointless sponsorship, corporate fascism, and a mascot. Er, four things.

But the mascot is the most important. Who else is going to appear on T-shirts, baseball caps, pens, novelty birth control? Who’s going to keep the not-hugely-interested-in-the-sport crowd entertained during the interminable waits between “heats”? That’s right — the bloke in the costume. Some of our favourite mascots included World Cup 2006’s Goleo or “the pervert lion” and Mexico ’86’s Pique the racially stereotypical jalapeño pepper. And of course the London thing has Crooklock and Manabille.

The Bristow-lympics has employed top branding consultancy Boggle, Bogart, Heggertay and Biscuit to come up with ours. But they have decided that for engagement purposes that we hold a competition to come up with a suitable name.

So here he/she is:

monkey tennis

  and again, with a little tica-taca:

So you can win a special Dirty Bristow prize by naming our apiarian sporting pal. Leave a name here in the comments and we’ll pick the best one.

Compo is now closed. Winner will be announced soon.

Don’t forget you can see [insert name here] at the Bristow-lympics Opening Ceremony and Issue Two Launch on Saturday 13th Aug at The Edge in Birmingham City Centre. There’s loads more on too, go get yourself a ticket.

*a prize, at least.


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Bristow-lympics & Issue Two Launch Date Change

And you thought the Greek’s preparations for the Olympics cut it fine…

Apparently ‘10 days’ in Council language actually means ‘10 working days’ and the entertainment and alcohol licence hasn’t come through for the event on the 23rd. Which means we have to move it,: otherwise it’ll just be some people sitting in a room.

Here are all the details.

The line-up may shift a little but still full with all the Friends of Bristow and artists that share our sense of humour, love of music and capacity for a thumping good time.

The event is still being held at the Edge, but now will be on Saturday the 13th of August. This means we now have extra time to make the event even more spectacular. We hope that all the people that couldn’t make it now can, and the ones that have already bought tickets will forgive the date change.

It also give you a chance to go out there and get your friends to come along. The more support we get for this event ensures the continued existence of our unique magazine and proves to the corporate machine that not everything has to be branded, labeled and sold back with a reality stars smile.

If you’re still a-coming, your existing tickets/email etc are vaild — hope to see you then.

If not, let us know and we’ll refund your ticket money.

Danny & Jon

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Dirty Bristow Issue Two Launch *Note Date Change*

The Bristow-lympics Opening Ceremony

It’s been a time coming, but Dirty Bristow Issue Two is ready for your prying eyes and the best and first way to get one is to wave your nation’s flag at the Bristow-lympics Opening Ceremony. And getting a ticket isn’t a lottery.

At The Edge, Cheapside, DigbethSat 13th August.

Tickets Only £6

Which Includes A Copy Of Dirty Bristow Magazine Issue Two (go find out all about it, including free stuff).

Every penny raised goes towards printing and other costs of this most individual, independent and inspiring of magazines—it’s the only way we can keep it up.

Buy a ticket (and pick up a mag on the day)


*Tickets appear in the shopping cart in the sidebar. You’ll get a PayPal receipt email, please bring that on the night as your ticket.

If you can’t make it, you can buy a copy to be despatched for launch day here.

Music From:

The High Commissioners

Thee Moths

Caroline Beavon (Kerrang! / Q Radio) * 8-Bit Pete

An Inspiring Olympic Anthem from MoxyPark

Comedy From:
Tom Lennon, Harry Vale and Matt Ritchie

Sports: Rhythmic Gymnastics *Football * Dressage * Raffle * Welly Wanging


Healthy Eating at:


Sponsored Concession stands

Here’s a PDF of the poster to download, print out on your work’s time and stick up somewhere: that there PDF.



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